[

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awake

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It's Courtney's birthday as of 12.00 AM today!! I just wanted to let her know how much I love her and how I can't wait to see her and give her her birthday surprise.
Although, she already knows what it is: we're gonna have wild times in her bed, of course! And wild times in our hotel in Georgia!!! I'm gonna love her with my hands tied. ; D

So anyway, in honour of Rand's birthday, I decided to post a few pictures of good times with this fabulous, super spectacular, fucking hilarious, crazy ass girl. Enjoy. ; )
( Or not )

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happy

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4th period was fun today.
I have no idea why, but Carlos and I just started asking random questions. I started it because I just randomly asked a question and I wrote it down for some reason and then Car asked a question and then we just started asking a bunch of weird questions, most of them sexual in nature, because, come on, it's Car. I wrote them all down (again, I have no idea why) and will rewrite them all on this blog because then I'll have it forever. Haha.

02/05/2010
Period 4
Eng. 4 Hon.
Jeanne Duffy

Oh, and C is for Carlos and A is for Amanda.
A: How many twins are in the world? (I still wanna know)
C: Why do guys like tits?
A: Why do I want to have sex with ******* so badly?
C: How many people commit suicide from having micro penis disease?
A: How many people in the world are not circumcised?
A: Where did the story of the stork come from?
C: How come all penises don't look the same?
A: Is it dildoes or dildos? (Does anyone get the reference?!!)
A: What astrological sign is February?
C: How long should someone be dating someone else before they have sex?
C: How long should you be someone's friend before they show you their tits? (inside joke) Oh, and I answered 13 years. Lawl.
C: What is (considered) cheating?
C: If you're straight and you have sex with another guy, is it considered gay?
A: Is it considered gay if straight guys blow each other?
C: Is it okay to show people your boobs for money if you're not a stripper?
C: Is it okay to have sex in a church, if you're married, with the person you're married to? I answered yes. Duh.
C: Is it weird of you jerk off to your friends?

Then class ended so we had to stop. We want answers to all these questions, by the way. Hahahahaha.

[	Current Mood	|	annoyed at myself	]
[	Current Music	|	Lady Gaga - The Fame Monster (yes, again)	]

All men should be put underground.

[

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ditzy

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Okay, I am such a fucking dumbass. I can't even believe it.

Okay, so there's this fan group thing on Facebook called, "After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar is like W T F," and for the longest time, I was like, "Why the hell does this group exist? I do not understand what the hell that means. What the fuck does that mean??" and two minutes ago I just realized what the fuck it means. It means wednesday, thursday, friday and I didn't understand that until just now because I'm a fucking retard. I can't believe how dumb I am...

[	Current Mood	|	amused	]
[	Current Music	|	Lady Gaga - The Fame Monster	]

It reeks of cannabis in my house right now.
I just felt like sharing that.


Zombieland comes out tomorrow and you bet your ass I'm gettin' that shit! I'm so excited!

[	Current Mood	|	blank	]
[	Current Music	|	Lady Gaga - The Fame Monster	]

"but I'm a loser in love, so baby
raise a glass to mend all the broken hearts of all my wrecked up friends...

...Some men may follow me
but you choose any girl but me..."

Right?! I know... Believe me, I know.
Gaga is the only one who gets me.

[	Current Mood	|	bored	]
[	Current Music	|	Lady Gaga - The Fame Monster	]

So I just started texting random people, I'm that bored. "/
I've been cooped up inside all week and as if that wasn't bad enough, I've been cooped up inside all week with my father. 'Nuff said.
Also, I've been cooped up all week because I've been terribly ill and I finally started feeling better this afternoon. Of course, the day I finally get antibiotics I start feeling better on my own. Fuck my life. Haha, nah, I don't really care, I'm still gonna take the medication.

Oh, so my antibiotic is Ciprofloxacin (or just Cipro) and I'm supposed to take 1 tablet twice daily with lots of food and drink. But anyway, I looked up the side effects and shit (I don't know why, though, I never actually get side effects from medication) and apparently there have been reported cases of psychosis, suicide attempts, panic attacks, and acute anxiety from Ciprofloxacin treatment. Also, if you have depression or a panic disorder (uh-oh), caution is highly advised because the chance of you experiencing these side effects is a lot higher. So, I thought that was pretty retarded.. But, whatever, hopefully I'll go into some sort of drug induced psychosis.

I completely lost my train of thought and I have no idea what I was gonna say.

I just wanna go out and dance and get drunk tonight. It's been a shitty week...
LOL! This advertisement just came up that said Buzzed Driving Is Drunk Driving. They must have radar, that is fucking hilarious.

[	Current Mood	|	lame	]
[	Current Music	|	Lady Gaga on shuffle	]

You say you understand me, well, I don't get you at all.
It seems everyone around me is so good at
faking it that I don't know
just how to act around you.

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full

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Just got home from running errands - got gas, cashed my paycheck, went to the orthodontist, which was closed, so I didn't even get my wires cut (I digress), and then got myself something to eat, which I kind of regret. Only a little, though.
Then before that I went and got x-rays of my rectus abdominis area because I've been having this terrible, persistent pain in that area since sunday. And the doctor is going to read the x-ray and call us back today, but it's probably not going to show anything, in which case I'll probably have to go get blood work done and maybe a CT scan, which still probably won't show anything. Although, honestly, I kind of hope it does show something, or they find some sort of thing wrong with me, so they can just give me medication or whatever and treat it, ya know? Instead of just finding nothing and then I basically just have to live with the pain until it goes away, which I really don't want. 

I don't want to feel pain anymore, it's really... painful. Y'know? Haha, seriously though. Ughh, God, I feel sick. "/

So, I've basically been out of school the whole week so far. All excused, of course. I have to say, I hope this trend continues.. I love just having the whole day to do shit. Ya know, with school it's like, I can't do anything. Everything I need to do has to be done after 3.30 and it really leaves me with no time, ya know? It just really pisses me off, school is such a waste... I mean, I've got like, 3 months until I graduate, I'm just like, over the whole fucking institution, it's ridiculous. It is a waste of my time. Although, I really wish I hadn't fucked myself with the whole Algebra thing. But whatever, all I have to do is pass with a D, and I'm fine. I'm in the clear. I'm golden. Hahaha.! I love Heather...

So, yeah, I'm having some troubled thoughts today.. But, I'm still the optimist, though it is hard. 
But I'm in a good mood today. I'm about to go shower now, though, so peace, sucka.

"I've got this feeling in my
blood that I want more,
this ain't enough."
You can say that again.

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amused

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I was my dad's brain tonight. It's really very sad
Okay, so this is basically how it went: my father was talking to Ashley about her shitty mobile battery and joking about how she's addicted to it: "This is an - Amanda, what do you call it when you intervene?..."
"An intervention?"
"Yeah, that! This is an intervention."

And then he couldn't remember the term cold turkey, either. He's a big fat retard.
I'm cracking my ass off.

[	Current Mood	|	confused	]
[	Current Music	|	Lady Gaga - The Fame	]

I hate that I've had to set like, all my recent LJ entries to friends only.
I hate that I'm so paranoid that I have to make them all friends only.
Because I really hate friends only posts, I absolutely avoid them if I can.

Now that I think about it, why do I hate Friends Only posts so much?
It's not as if I have this LJ for anyone else apart from myself, so why do I hate it so much? Hm.. I really don't know.

So, I'm actually excited to get paid tomorrow, because it's gonna be more than like, 30 bucks! Haha, I know, that's so pathetic..

"I can't help myself, I'm addicted to a life of material. It's some kind of joke, I'm obsessively opposed to the typical."

Yeah, so this is my schizophrenic LJ post, because I am jumping all over the place tonight. I can't stick to one topic right now, my thoughts are just in a million different places simultaneously, so, yeah.

Yeah, and work today was... Hm, I'm undecided.
Today was the "grand re-opening" and it was all crazy, and there was alcohol and people everywhere, and I wanted some, but of course I couldn't have any. It was retarded.
Also, I just - ughh - fucking hate certain people who work there, who shall remain nameless.

Okay, bye.

[	Current Mood	|	amused	]
[	Current Music	|	Beastie Boys - Remote Control on shuffle	]

“… But then there are certain sounds in this world that, for whatever reason, just the way it hits you, it makes you wanna punch a baby. God forbid you’re in a nursery when you hear the sound, you go on a baby punching tangent.”

That Dane Cook is a silly bitch...

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optimistic

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You know what I have to say to people, especially women, who are against gay marriage and always use religion as the reason why it shouldn't be allowed?
I would like to tell them about the other things that religion is about. I mean, have they fully read all their religious passages, whether it be the Bible or the Koran, or what have you.? Because, if we're going to start following religion then why don't you look at these ideologies, as well:

Bible (St. Paul): "For a man... is the image and glory of God, but the woman is the glory of the man. For the man isn't of the woman, but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman, but the woman for the man."

1 Timothy 2: "Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, not to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed and then Eve. And Adam wasn't deceived, but the woman, being deceived, was in the transgression. Notwithstanding, she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety."

Koran (the sacred text of Islam): "Men are superior to women on account of the qualities in which God has given them preeminence."

or perhaps the morning prayer of the Orthodox Jew: "Blessed art Thou, O Lord our God, King of the Universe, that I was not born a gentile.
Blessed art Thou, O Lord our God, King of the Universe, that I was not born a slave.
Blessed art Thou, O Lord our God, King of the Universe, that I was not born a woman."


By the way, I know this probably seems weird and nonsensical since I'm saying legalize gay but I'm talking about religion against women, but, well, I guess if you read the first part you'll get why I wrote it. But, yeah, I wrote it to show the absolutely ludacris ideas of ludacris people who are against gay marriage and for some reason quote Bible passages and shit as the reason gay marriage is wrong. Well, basically, women were wrong. So, if you wanna go that way then women shouldn't have any rights either, soo. Yeah. Just sayin'.

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indifferent

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How about today, huh? "Rex Manning Day."

Movin' on.
There's nothing else I can do. There's nothing else I want to do.
But it's really good, because the wheels are actually in motion, and you wanna know why?
Because I'm finally really starting to feel resentment and anger, and upset, instead of sadness and hurt. That just hindered the whole moving on process because I couldn't move on. I didn't want to move on.
Now I finally feel like I can, though. I mean, I am. I wouldn't say very fast and it's probably going to be a kind of long process because I know that once I think I'm out, they're gonna pull me back in, and it's going to be laborious, but I'm gonna break the cycle. It's a vicious circle and I have to break it. (Did anyone like that Dane Cook reference? Haha.)

Because friendship is the booze they feed ya. They want you to get drunk on feeling like you belong. 

Well, it was fun.
 
Because they make you feel cool, and hey, I met you. You are not cool... The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you're uncool.

I have quoted that before and I will quote it another thousand times on here. Because it's true. It's actually too true for me. I don't belong, I really don't. I mean, I'm not trying to say, "Oh, look at me, I'm so uncool. Blah, blah, blah." No. Actually, at the end of the day, I'm honestly glad I'm a misfit. It's just that it's been proven to me so many times before so, how can I not think that, ya know?
I'm probably gonna watch that today, by the way. I love that film so much. Anyone who wasn't seen it before, I highly, highly recommend it.

But yeah, I really am just starting to feel a lot of hate and anger now so I know that is a good thing. It's very productive for the healing process. At least to my healing process. 

Also, today's good because I can kind of stew all day about everything, but really, it's good because I'm not going to school today (orthodontist appointment at 10.30 so I just decided, fuck school) and I'm really just taking a mental health day. I'm gonna relax, think about myself, reflect on a lot of things, do stuff that needs to get done, and hopefully just rejuvenate and just get into a good mental state for moving on and living my life. Wish me luck.

Update 31/01: And now I just feel nothing. I'm indifferent.

[	Current Mood	|	contemplative	]
[	Current Music	|	iTunes shuffle	]

Omnipresent phrase in my mind.
Spoken word I've said one million times.
Who are you to tell me it'll always be this way?
I close my eyes and I turn around
and leave it all behind.

So free for the moment.
Lost somewhere between the earth and the sky.
So free for the moment.
Lost because I wanna be lost.
Don't try to find me.

[

Current Mood

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bouncy

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Update: I'm done with my period, I can eat again!!!!! Haha. = ]

But I really should go to sleep. I don't why I'm up, there's no point.
I wanna party, but obviously I can't considering it's 3.00 in the morning as I'm writing this, sooo.. yeah.

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Current Mood

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weird

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I think I have bipolar disorder, I go back and forth that much.
I'm gonna get whiplash one of these times.

I don't know, I'm a weird fucking bitch and I need to stop and relax.

[	Current Mood	|	annoyed	]
[	Current Music	|	Dear & The Headlights - Drunk Like Bible Times	]

Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn.
I was so hyper and happy, and now I've totally just crashed.
I'm still really hyper so I can't go to sleep, but now I'm really bored because everyone in my house is asleep and I have no idea why.
Also, I have no one to talk to because no one is texting me back. Lame!

[

Current Mood

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indifferent

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I'm just... Whatever.

Whatever.

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Current Mood

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discontent

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Just got home, ugh!!!! I thought I was tired before, that was nothing. Going to pass out now.

[	Current Mood	|	exhausted	]
[	Current Music	|	Lady Gaga - The Fame	]

First day of work: stressful, surreal, blur.
My knees are in so much pain.

But, more later (possibly), I'm about to leave.

[

Current Mood

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blah

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And the deaths of 2009 just keep on coming.
Hey, and who knows? We've got today and tomorrow to fit in a couple more deaths. That's enough time, isn't it?
I definitely think so.

[

Current Mood

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thirsty

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Muah!

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hungry

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A collection of the clothes I've bought over the last 2 days:

( Strike a Pose )